Saturday Feb 27.
my Master and i had plans to spend time with an longtime, and very dear friend. She is of a open minded, but over all vanilla nature, and though W/we have talked a bit about the lifestyle Master and i share, W/we leave keep things very DL for every ones comfort level. It does afford U/us interesting chances to learn to practice O/our dynamic while not making it overly obvious, a much needed and valuable skill in the lifestyle.
The reason i bring it up is due to an interesting turn of events, and the resulting revelation that happened. Being a SAM i tend to make smart ass comments. They are not always wise or appreciated by my Master, and i am slowly and painfully learning this. At O/our friend house we were all making dinner, for the vegetable W/we were having brussels sprouts (a personal fav). W/we were going to be eating family style, and O/our friend had dishes out the veggies in small bowls, leaving it up to U/us to ad salt and pepper to O/our taste. Master was closest and added salt and pepper to His dish. Then in a kind gesture He took O/our bowls to place them on the table. i made a remark seeing that He was taking my bowl before i had a chance to season them. "ha ha...i guess salt is a privilege and not a right." i quipped. This joke got the usual look of slight disapproval when He doesn't find me as funny as i do. He then did something i was not expecting, He got very close to me and leaned down and whispered in my ear, "For you, everything is a privilege and not a right." This made me instantly contrite, and if we were not in the company of O/our friend i would have knelt and apologized. Instead i bowed my head and murmured an apology and we went about our evening. This phrase stayed with me, and in quiet moments i rolled it around my mind.
i guess it would seem like an obvious thing to most that this is the reality for a slave bound to her Master. it took me by surprise. i hold a very unique roll in O/our dynamic, i am wife, slave, partner and caregiver. i am all these things at once, but at times i have to be a bit more forward and aggressive. i try to always submit as i should, but there are instances when the wife is needed and the slave in me must act in a more unslave like fashion. Also even though i am willful and still new and in training my Master does not see fit to deny many things to me. So to hear that, and to have a chance to really absorb it and know it rocked me to my very core. All things i have are His, in my decision to become His slave i have chosen to rely on him in all ways. i have surrendered my will in favor of his dominance. It is a choice that i know in my heart is right, and good for us and will lead to a happy life, and do not regret it. But the depth of what that truly means really hit home today. i must say that is has deepened my understanding, and our bond in this way of life.
This point was further driven home when we arrived back at our home. i put away groceries, and He was preparing for bed. When my tasks were over i went to change into comfy house clothes, He was in the kitchen of out one bedroom apartment. Earlier in the day while i was dressing to leave i had asked him what color panties He wanted me to wear. He had said "Did I tell you to wear panties?" and the subject was dropped. While i was changing later that night, i pulled out a T-shirt and was going to out on panties. When i asked him if i may, having been denied earlier, he said again "did I tell you to wear panties?" . This really drove the epiphany in farther. Even my ability to wear underwear is at his whim. He playfully told me i could wear the panties if i lost the shirt. Since He was going to bed i opted to go nude for a bit. When he was dismissing me, i of curse me being the SAM i am (No Doctor Suess joke intended) i made some remark that i cant even remember. He decided to teach me a lesson and i was told i did not get to wear clothes at all for the night. Clothes are a privilege not a right. Due to the apartment being cold He did allow me to wear a shall, or to use a throw blanket. WOW...i mean really WOW. He gave me the privilege of being able to stay warm. He may not require that i ask permission for every action i make, but He made it very real to me that if i did not behave to His liking He will not be as generous with me. W/we even had the chance to talk about it for a few minuets, and i to he chance to share this new found truth with him. Master looked at me with a sleeping beaming look of approval.
Yes tonight i learned a very deep lesson. One that will echo in every facet of our dynamic, one i sorely needed to learn. Many would think that this would put up a barrier, or make me resentful and insubordinate. In fact it has done the opposite. He has accorded me a way to more fully submit to Him. He has given me a deeper knowledge of His dominance, making me more fully me, and integrated with my true slave nature. By denying me privileges He has given me more then i could imagine.
- Privileges not Rights.